10 years ago almost down to the day I was robbed at gun point with a group of friends after my homecoming concert in my freshman year of college (hell of a way to start a post I know).

The robbers made away with cell phones, purses, money, car keys etc but luckily we were unharmed physically. 

We didn't tell many people about it and I personally tried to brush the traumatic event under the rug and go about my daily life not knowing how badly I had been effected by the whole incident. 

To this day I can still remember the whole scenario so vividly as if it happened last night, I remember what I was wearing, how the gun was pointed directly at my abdomen, being frisked to make sure I wasn't hiding anything and even what the men said to us.

I thought I was going to be able to move past it all, but that one event was the catalyst that sparked my 10 year battle with Panic and Anxiety Disorder, PTSD and my struggle to find ways to overcome both without medicine.

The first I ever had a panic attack I was on the bus going to school and I literally thought I was about to die. Of course I didn't but that was literally what it felt like, I was short of breath my palms were sweating my mind was racing and I had no idea why

.

Those kinds of episodes continued for about 2 month or so off an on. I know now that they stemmed from being harassed and bullied by a group of girls who were VERY upset that I was dating a "popular" guy.

For the past three months or so I've been unhappy with my weight, shape and general fitness level..like really unhappy. I look at myself in the mirror while I'm getting dressed and notice every little bump, bulge and un-tone area that my clothes don't glide over. 

Things that used to fit are getting snug in places they didn't used to be and jackets from last year pinch in creases where there used to be room and there is no one to blame but myself.  Since the holidays I have completely let my good eating habits go. I have started eating more junk, drinking soda and even eating a little fast food and I defiantly haven't  been working out to combat that.

Literally the face I got every time I talked about needing to work out

A few weeks back I had the pleasure of receiving a Cocotique beauty subscription box in the mail.

You guys know the basic run down of subscription boxes right? You sign up and each month depending on the plan you select and your preference you receive a cute little box filled with beauty, fashion,food items ect. I believe now there are subscription boxes for almost everything....really goggle it lol =)