Looking at today...and living for the future...(fuck fear)

Friday, December 13, 2013

So this post may turn out to be complete bullshit filled with nothing but the ramblings of a crazy woman who thinks she may have had an "ah ha" moment (I exclusively blame you oprah)

....or maybe, just maybe...it will be the most motivational post you will ever read

...Well maybe not ever but I hope it will help someone out there to for once see their strength instead of all of their weaknesses.
Yesterday after a looooong wait I finally got my for christmas =) and after it was all tied to my car driven half way across town and then lugged up my steps upon I realized it was crooked...and not just slightly crooked I mean completely -___- the bottom of the tree curved to the right so that no matter what way you tried to stick the damn thing in the little tree holder the weight would shift to one side and it would fall over...and when it didn't fall over it leaned all the way forward as if it was going to.

Trust me a tree that looks like its sticking out of your wall looks idiotic...

Pissed and unable to take the tree back I was determined to fix it. I pulled out my kitchen knife that has ridges and started sawing away at it. Yes...sawing at the tree like I was Paul flipping Bunion I was determined to get that damn bottom off....after about 30 mins or so however I quit and left the damn tree laying on the floor. 

Today before I came home I went and picked up new christmas decorations and when I got home I looked at the tree and said..."oh your going to stand up straight today because I got new decorations AND IM GOING TO HANG THEM ON YOU!" (ok maybe I didn't say that at all...maybe I just walked over to it with an evil glare) I put on boots pulled my knife out again and started going at it, sawing and pulling and pushing the bottom of the tree. But the shit still wouldn't budge! I was making a dent but no real progress! I even took a hammer and a screwdriver to it and everything. I wanted to give up, I figured I didn't have enough weight to bend the tree let alone enough strength...but I was determined. So I kept going.

About 40 mins later I could see the end of the tree finally giving a little, so I put my foot above the dent I had made and grabbed the end and started to pull with all my strength and got damn it that crooked bottom broke off!!!

I had done it, I was determined, I set a goal and I did it!!

With no ones help but my own, I cut that tree I made it stand straight...me.

Now I know this may seem like a ridiculous story to you but to me, when I put that tree in the stand and it was straight I felt more accomplished that I have in a long time, because in that moment I knew that even though I'm small, anything that I'm determined to do I can do it.

I often get down on myself, thinking I'm not good enough, or if I try ill fail or sometimes I even feel too scared to try things and go places because of what may go wrong. Very rarely do I actually have the confidence in my own abilities to just go and do things or try things and I'm starting to notice that I'm missing out on so many opportunities because....I don't think I can do something or handle something and I can't live like that.

In the end you will regret the things that you didn't do for yourself, not the things you did. I don't want to be that person living in regret because I was to scared to try, thought I wasn't strong enough or was to afraid to stand alone.

2014 will be the year were I start to believe in myself more, my abilities, my power, my talents. Because I mean if I don't believe in me...who the hell will.

Im going to do more...travel more...say yes more...live for me more...laugh more...and believe in myself more...I have to, I owe it to myself. 

I owe it to myself to be the person I am meant to be and to stop living behind I cant's....and so do you...you owe it to yourself!

Fuck fear...just do!

"Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate...its is that we are powerful beyond measure"

XO Deanna

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