Love Me or Leave Me Alone: Deciding I Was Worth More Than A "Maybe"

Sunday, August 9, 2015

Happy Sunday Loves

Todays Sunday Session is on love & worth. 
Often times because we want love so much we are willing to accept it in its most limited form. Its like when you're super hungry, just a bite of something can hold you over and reduce your cravings...but by no means are you full or satisfied. 

You have merely curbed your appetite until your stomach realizes it has not been adequately nourished.
Love can be handled the same way, someone who wants so badly to be loved or to receive someones love can be "held over" by the littlest gesture. A simple text message reply, a kiss, a kind word or even sex can send someone starving for love into euphoria and have them feeling "fed" and as though they are being loved fully.

But none of that even comes close to the feeling of actually being loved, just as a crumb will never come close to what a full meal feels like.

Entertaining a relationship of any kind but ESPECIALLY a romantic one where you are being half loved is doing a complete disservice to yourself. Especially if you on the other end are loving that person wholly.

Know that you are worth all of someone's love, not just a portion of it or when its convenient to them. Allowing someone to reside in your life connected but disconnected lets them know you are ok with just being their option and that they can love or come and go in your life as they please.

This goes without regard to you or your feelings. It does not matter how much you care for them, are there for them or how much it hurts you.

Personally, this is an issue I've had with people since I was young. Starting first unfortunately with my father and I'm still working on not letting people have one foot in and out of my life at the same time or allowing myself to be a constant revolving door when it comes to how people love me. 

It was actually one of the most recent topics in my session with my therapist. Yes...I see a therapist and actually suggest that more people do, having a unbiased outsider to listen to or help you organize your thoughts really helps you look at things in a different way and clarify situations.

Anywho...whats todays lesson? 

Make a choice for yourself about what you will allow in your life. Protect your space & heart, it is very important to take a stand in your life and recognize what you deserve, how you should be treated and what is and isn't unhealthy for you.

If you have ever had any of these thoughts about being a revolving door for people I recommend taking a step back and evaluating why you let it happen, how it can be fixed and if the people doing it to you consciously participating in the act.

Moving forward there are two big steps to accomplish. One is STOPPING YOURSELF from allowing this to happen because though people are doing it to are creating a space where they are comfortable to do so. You have made it clear to them that you are ok with this behavior, no matter if they realize they are treating you this way or not. People only do what you allow them to. Number two is LETTING GO of the people who are doing consciously doing this to you. The only thing worse then having people do this to you is harboring people in your life that KNOW they are doing it. The ones that seem to not be able to make a choice about you, always keep you hanging, are only there when they need you then vanish or try to make you feel as though their absence, or "flip flop" actions in your life are your

I have started the work, I want to move forward. I have decided that being half loved gets me no where, I wind up frustrated, feeling under appreciated and over exert myself chasing the person, trying to receive the other half of love that I am clearly being denied.

No matter if the person is doing it intentionally as a power struggle and depriving me to keep the upper hand or if the person is completely un aware of their actions and it is a result of not knowing how to love or having intimacy issues of their own. If you are going to be in my life there must be a middle ground and a mutual want to keep the balance and each other fulfilled in the way the other needs it.

I have no intention of letting myself starve anymore.

Love me fully or leave me alone.

Your either in or out.

What do you guys think about this?

Until next time,
XO Deanna


  1. You are speaking nothing BUT a word. When I was in my 20s, I longed to find a man that really wanted to be with me. I didn't date much, but I always had those dreams of getting married...especially when everyone else around me seemed to be. The problem was, I kept running into guys who were not interested in dating, but just interesting in "hanging out." There was also the guys who wanted all the benefits of having a girlfriend, but not officially making me one. I was single for 6 years during my 20s....YES. SIX. I was convinced I was going to be an old lady with a bunch of cats! LOL But I decided that I would rather be by myself, than to be deal with someone who just kept jerking my heart around. I am so happy things happened the way they did....that time alone taught me a lot about myself. I didn't get married until I was 31, but my husband was worth the wait and treats me like a queen. Keep your head up girlie. The right one is out there for you and he's coming.

  2. This post is nothing but the truth...the whole help me GAWD! lol whew...

  3. A very thought provoking piece. You speak the truth
    I recently ended a relationship that was draining me. And it was actually for the same reasons that you put across in your writing I was half-loved, if at all loved. I was always doing the chasing. The seeking of reassurances that something was there. Until I self reflected and realised that this was actually eating me up. It got to a point where I was fed up and I decided to let go. I have not regretted it one ounce. I am in a much happier place with myself. I am learning new things about me everyday and I am loving myself more as well.
    Thank you.

  4. Excellent article. I am going through something similar and wrote about it on my blog. I was in love with the same guy for over twenty years and reached a breaking point in August. I told myself I wasn't even going to blog about it, but my mind wouldn't let me go. So I wrote about and feel like a weight was released from my shoulders. I see a therapist and do appreciate having someone else's input that is not a family member or a close friend.